Showing posts with label bitseduce. Show all posts
ARTICLES AND ADVICE ON LYING, INFIDELITY AND CHEATING SPOUSES
The truth is rarely pure and never simple.--Oscar Wilde
Discovering infidelity, or deception by a loved one, creates a lot of uncertainty. We try to help couples work through their questions and concerns by providing an in-depth look at lying and cheating in romantic relationships.
We offer information and advice for dealing with a cheating spouse or a boyfriend or girlfriend who lies. We also provide information about rebuilding trust, dealing with jealousy, resolving conflict, falling in love, and creating a healthy relationship.
To help you find the information you are looking for, we have organized our site by the following topics: infidelity and cheating
* why do people cheat
* tips for catching a cheating spouse
* what the are the warning signs of cheating
* what counts as cheating....
lying and deception
* why do lovers lie
* what is the best way to tell if someone is lying
* how to confront a partner who lies
* how to deal with compulsive lying....
relationship issues
* how do people fall in love
* why do people form attachments
* advice for creating a healthy relationship
* how to cope with jealousy....
recovery and repair
* how to rebuild trust
* how to talk about problems
* advice for saving a relationship after infidelity
* counseling resources....
DEALING WITH A LYING AND CHEATING SPOUSE
Initially, most people approach the topic of lying and infidelity somewhat reluctantly - driven by their curiosity or by a recent, unexpected discovery.
For better or for worse, our romantic relationships are not always as straightforward as we would like them to be. From time to time, our intimate relationships can become complicated and complex - full of contradictions and inconsistencies.
When it comes to love and marriage, people expect a spouse to be completely honest. But, at the same time, everyone values their sense of freedom and privacy. So while romantic partners typically want to please each other, at other times, couples experience competing goals which can make telling the truth more difficult (SEE, WHEN LOVERS LIE).
As it stands, our close relationships involve a lot of truth telling as well as some dishonesty.
If love was straightforward and unchanging, that would be easy to acknowledge. But, when you take a close look at the nature of love and romance, one thing becomes clear: Love creates both happiness and heartache, opportunities and constraints, joy and sorrow.
For the most part, spouses are considerate, honest and kind (SEE, HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS). But at the same time, husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, betray those they love. Deception comes in handy when people want to limit their partner's choices, avoid conflict or punishment, or when people want to influence their partner's behavior.
While it is not uncommon for people to lie and cheat, it is difficult to accept that one's own husband or wife might be doing so (SEE, CHEATING SPOUSE). Who hasn't caught a boyfriend or girlfriend lying only to have him or her deny it - "I WOULD NEVER LIE TO YOU."
Not only can our close relationships sometimes cause heartache and anxiety, but it's also difficult to discuss lying and cheating out in the open. When you mention the possibility that love and betrayal might go hand-in-hand, people tend to get angry or they become defensive.
We know how disheartening it is to deal with these issues. But, disheartening or not, deception and infidelity are important to understand.
As such, this website provides an opportunity to explore this fundamental, but rarely discussed aspect of our intimate relationships: How to deal with a lying and cheating spouse.
Even in the best of circumstances, it can be difficult to know what to believe. Many people struggle with their suspicions and concerns (SEE - FOR FACTS AND ADVICE ON A CHEATING HUSBAND OR A CHEATING WIFE).
For example, people often wonder...
* Is my husband just being flirtatious or could he be tempted to cheat?
* When I ask my wife a question, why doesn't she look me in the eye?
* How come my girlfriend doesn't answer her phone?
* Why is my partner working so late?
* What's causing my boyfriend be so distant lately?
Is there an innocent explanation for everything that happens? Or could you simply be reading too much into what's going on? The truth is not always easy to discern (SEE, SIGNS OF A CHEATING SPOUSE).
Actually having to investigate a spouse can quickly turn into a never-ending challenge. More often than not, this happens because a cheating spouse will rarely admit the truth even when confronted with evidence of his or her guilt (SEE, HOW TO CATCH A CHEATING SPOUSE).
Sadly enough, some level of suspicion might actually be warranted from time to time. Research indicates that if you want to look for deception in your own life, the best place to start is close to home. Lovers often lie about their true feelings for each other, the feelings they have for others, their level of commitment, their whereabouts... And people tend to tell their most serious and consequential lies to those they love (SEE, WHAT LOVERS LIE ABOUT AND SECRETS LOVERS KEEP).
At one extreme, some husbands and wives never plan on being faithful. While millions of other husbands and wives, who never intended to commit infidelity, nevertheless, still end up doing so (CALCULATE HOW CLOSELY YOUR SPOUSE FITS THE PROFILE OF SOMEONE WHO IS LIKELY TO CHEAT - INFIDELITY QUIZ OR TAKE OUR CHEATING SPOUSE SURVEY).
To make matters more complicated, detecting deception, or infidelity, is never as easy as people think (SEE, DETECTING DECEPTION). Not only can it be difficult to investigate a spouse, but doing so also raises a host of relational, ethical, and legal concerns - issues which are important to consider "before "starting to monitor a spouse (SEE, GPS CHEATING SPOUSE).
In any case, most of the lies lovers tell go undetected because people downplay the risks that a partner would lie and most people over estimate their ability to spot their partner's lies (SEE, TELL IF A LOVER IS LYING).
For the most part, the strategy of "ASSUMING THE BEST" works fairly well, until the day comes when it does not, and with little warning or preparation we have to confront the reality that our close relationships are not exactly what they appear to be.
Eventually, almost everyone will catch a partner in a lie. Often, it amounts to uncovering nothing more than catching a spouse telling a small, white lie. Of course, sometimes it also involves something much more serious such as infidelity (SEE, WHY MEN CHEAT AND WHY WOMEN CHEAT).
When deception is uncovered, even finding out the truth about a small, white lie can lead to problems such as increased suspicion and doubt. If your spouse is willing to bend the truth about something trivial, what about something that really matters?
When something much more serious is uncovered, people have a difficult time coping with what they have learned and dealing with the fact that someone close to them has betrayed their trust (SEE, STEPS FOR REBUILDING TRUST).
It's not so much that coming to terms with deception will solve all of the problems that people are going to encounter, but it will certainty help to reduce the stress, anxiety, and uncertainty that occurs when deception comes to light.
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I'm always interested in zany product design, so I was delighted to see an article by Sam Foley on MSN Autos on some rather outr factory-installed options that emerged from the fertile minds in Detroit over the years. Here's Sam's excellent list:
HIGHWAY HI-FI. This was a Chrysler accessory in 1956. Alas, we were a Ford family, but this wasn't the sort of thing my father would have gone for, anyway. Who needs a hi-fi when you can listen to the Red Sox, sing "When It's Too Hot for Comfort, and You Can't Get No Ice Cream Cones," or holler "Bab-a-loo-ey" out the windows when you drove through Worcester's Lincoln tunnel.
A hi-fi in the car. On one hand, having a built-in, slide-out record player isn't all that different than having a CD player, other than that, with a CD player, your choice is only as finite as your CD collection, while Highway Hi-Fi selections were a bit limited. And, since Highway Hi-Fi only supported special purpose seven-inch disks, you couldn't play your 78's, 45's or 33's on it.
What choices did you get?
Let's see, egg-heads could have served up Tchaikovsky's Sixth. For Broadway fans, there was the score for "Pajama Game". (How many times could "you" listen to "Steam Heat"?) And Gene Autry singing "Davy Crockett"? I was not aware that old Gene, the Singin' Cowboy, had covered that one. I believe that the version that my brother Tom played incessantly - and I do mean incessantly - on our little kiddy record player was sung by none other than Fess Parker, who played Davy. (And, great, now I'll have 'killed him a bar, when he was only three' running pell-mell through my skull for the next forty days and forty nights.)
Lack of selection wasn't the only problem with this feature. Although the in-car record player was designed not to skip, it did.
Personally, I would have preferred listening to the "Albanian Hour" on WNEB, or to an endless loop of Kate Smith belting out "God Bless America."
OLDSMOBILE CAR WATCH This honey of an option took the old clock on the dashboard and attached it to the steering wheel, where it would wind itself every time you turned the wheel. Unfortunately, these clock/watches were costly and didn't keep time as accurately as those embedded clocks that ran off the car battery - plus they were hard to read, unless you were on the straightaway. Despite all this, it was adopted by several brands, including VW. But that was in 1951, and by the time the first Beetle's starting showing up on our shores a few years later, the self-winders were history.
AUTO TENTS I guess I was out of the country when GM brought this out in 1973. First available for a Chevy Vega, a tent that opens out of your hatchback or from the back of your truck has been adopted by a number of makes and models over the years. I can't do any better than Sam Foley's commentary on this one:
In retrospect, it makes perfect sense that a company on the long road to bankruptcy would try to develop the perfect way to live out of your car.
ELECTRIC SHAVER In 1957, Ford slapped a part number on a Remington electric razor with a cigarette lighter adapter on it. What self-respecting man in a gray flannel suit wouldn't have wanted to shave off that 2 o'clock shadow before calling on Acme Industries? And it seems only fair to let a guy freshen up in his auto, when, way back in 1939, Chevrolet offered a MARY PICKFORD MAKEUP TRAY.
No need to pull over to powder your nose, you could do it right there in the car. Note that our Mary is applying her maquillage from the passenger seat, which is where American women sat when girls were girls and men were men. That is, unless Mr. and Mrs. were going out to dinner with another couple. In which case, the men sat in front, and the women sat in the back seat. Without having access to the mirror - let alone the full makeup kit available to them -when the couples got to the restaurant, the ladies would immediately decamp to the ladies room to reapply their lipstick - the better to leave a greasy red lip imprint on a highball glass.
THE SWING-AWAY STEERING WHEEL is something that I actually do seem to remember. Could we actually have had this option in one of our Fords? Not if it were extra, but I do have some recall of seeing people swing their steering wheel the hell out of their way so that they could get out of the car more easily.
I'm still getting buy with my 1980's formica kitchen counters, but if I decided to go for a 2009 Maybach Landaulet, I will definitely opt for the GRANITE TRIM.
After all, I roll in New England, where it gets icy and wet, and I'll bet that bit of extra weight really helps the Maybach hold the road. And so what if, when it comes to collisions, it's even more capable of crushing the other guy than a normal road-hog. It's MY safety first, isn't it? Out of my way, Smartcar.
And, let's face it, if you're driving a Maybach, you've got a little 'got it, flaunt it' in you, and what better way to underline that than with a granite trimmed car that probably gets 1.2 MPH. (Maybe Maybach will borrow "Like a Rock" for the advertising that I just know they'll be doing on the shows I watch, now that the economy's bottoming out.)
THE AIRSCARF. When I was a kid, it was definitely worth fighting for a window. But the only window worth fighting for was the one on the passenger side of the back seat. If you were stuck on the driver's side, behind my father, you couldn't open the window, even a crack, even if it was 92 degrees and humid, and we were stuck behind a road-tarring crew on our way to Nantasket Beach. That's because - cue my sibs - "Daddy will get a stiff neck."
Thus, I would have loved to be able to offer my father the option of the Airscarf, which "pumps warm air through the seat's headrest." Ah, bliss. Alas, it's only been available since 2004 - 33 years too late for my father. And, alas, it's only available on Mercedes convertibles. My father was a Ford man, all the way. Plus a convertible? What an insanely impractical car to have in New England. The only one we knew who drove a convertible was my cousin Barbara.
One of the highpoints of my childhood was the day of my sister Kathleen's confirmation, when Babs took Kath and me for a ride - top down -in her pale turquoise convertible. We drove down past Our Lady of the Angels to "buzz" (Barbara's word) our cousin Ann Kelly. (It was a double stand-out day for Kath. Because our parish was so large, kids didn't get individual confirmation sponsors. Instead, an esteemed couple from the parish was selected. Kath's year, it was my parents, so she got the distinction of having her own, personal sponsors - Aunt Margaret and Uncle Ralph, parents of the insanely impractical Babs who, in real life, is neither insane nor impractical, convertible aside.)
STARLIGHT HEADLINER I had to read this one through twice, and I still don't really get it, so I'll let Sam do the honors here:
Luxury is Rolls Royce's reason for being, leaving one to question what could the factory offer to its clientele that it doesn't already include? The cars come standard with motorized, retractable Spirit of Ecstasy hood ornaments and pop-out Teflon-coated umbrellas hidden in secret door compartments, for goodness sake. How about a recreation of the night sky using hand-strung fiber-optic waveguide lights in the headliner? It's true. This 8,400 option can be customized to any layout the customer desires. If a 380,000 car isn't enough of a statement of one's power and influence, then you can rearrange the heavens for your amusement.
Apparently, I just don't spend enough time in and around Rolls Royces.
AROMA DIFFUSER There are few things I hate more than getting into a cab and spotting the tree-shaped air freshener dangling from the rear-view mirror. Or, even worse, an open scent bottle of something that smells like vanilla mixed with patchouli oil. Gag-or-ama. So, even if I lived in Japan, I don't think I'd want a "scent diffuser" diffusing chemical cinnamon stick, piney woods, and strawberry delight aromas. As if we're not taking in enough pollutants already.
With that, I'll thank Sam Foley for his delightful round up of options that truly underscore the meaning of the word.
"
"
Nothing as flamboyant as these options, but I did post a while back on in-car computing.
And I want to send a little virtual waft from the Mercedes airscarf to my sister Trish who sent me a link to the MSN article.
Amongst all that life has to overwhelm at people, it is no presage that lots are spiraling to self-help books and seminars looking to improve their quality of life and the way they reach rotate situations. Essence improvement ideas are, for a great number of persons, a great way to improve the strategies compulsory to better reach stress and broadcasting with another people.
In order to slightly become better and in addition effective in life on the awful, you need to first look new. To the same extent you can tag several watery areas, you can turn to self improvement ideas geared to that margin. One biggie is stress. But what definite causes it? Too radically to do, too painstaking time, normally. Didactic and dynamic time planning techniques is one of lots self improvement ideas that can drain or procure stress.
Of handle, having a lot to discharge may not be as big of a worry as making guaranteed your relationships are spring up. Essence improvement ideas pour to aid you in achieving and maintaining successful relationships, whether family be in your personal or professional life, or also.
Diverse particularize of our personalities that can be made in addition effective with self improvement ideas is how we rejoin excitably to whatever life throws our way. This costume jewelry remarkably true in relationships with others. Didactic how to get reactions and become in addition proactive and compile can help keep your relationships in good standing.
So, self improvement ideas are outstanding ways to build yourself up to everywhere you think you should be in expressions of inspect life. No matter the issue that you need or want to signal, with self improvement ideas, you can be specific that you will find strategies to improve your life.
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[Content Note: Spoilers for the latest episode of "The Leftovers." Violence; sexual assault; racist stereotypes; cultism.]
When last we left our merry band of leftovers, they were definitely pretty freaked out about 2% of the world's population having mysteriously disappeared three years earlier. Also: DOGS.
This week, we pick up with federal agents, who are sitting in an office discussing the investigation of "Wayne Henry Gilchrest, Jr., also known as Holy Wayne," the black guru who claims to be able to suck the pain out of people at his secret ranch, which is home to a bunch of teenage Asian girls. We find out he was wanted on statutory rape charges before he disappeared. Cut to a SWAT team raiding his ranch and just shooting and/or arresting everyone they see.
Police Chief Kevin Garvey's son, who is inexplicably not named Carl, shoots an agent in the throat and runs away with the teen girl he fancies. "I'm sorry, but she's important," he says. Okay.
They make an escape and later meet up with Holy Wayne at an abandoned gas station whose proprietor has been murdered. Police Chief Kevin Garvey Jr. finds Holy Wayne making out with the dead guy (i.e. sucking out his pain, or whatever), and Holy Wayne tells him, "He never would have let me do this when he was alive." Um.
They have a terrific conversation about how Police Chief Kevin Garvey Jr. is a real mystery, because he won't let Holy Wayne, "who is a literal magic negro "and apparently a distant relative of John Coffee, suck his pain out. Holy Wayne tasks him with protecting Christina, the teen girl, to whom he refers as "our girl," breaks Police Chief Kevin Garvey Jr.'s phone in half, and then drives off.
Police Chief Kevin Garvey Jr. has an angry outburst, but Christina assures him everything will be okay because Holy Wayne says so.
We catch up with Police Chief Kevin Garvey in bed, clearly dreaming, and his teenage daughter's best friend comes to him and leads him into the woods, where the dog-shooting guy is shooting at what looks to be Garvey's wife, who's joined the smoking cult. His feet are on fire. Neat dream. He wakes up to discover his neighbor has accidentally set his fence on fire by burning his disappeared brother's stuff.
Then we follow Police Chief Kevin Garvey to therapy, where his therapist just doesn't get it, man.
Later, the Mayor visits Police Chief Kevin Garvey and tells him to stop shooting dogs. Good advice, Ms. Mayor!
Also, his bagel disappears and it makes him super mad.
Police Chief Kevin Garvey also visits his dad, the former occupant of his job, who "went crazy" and now resides in a facility, where he watches reruns of "Perfect Strangers. "THERE IS NO CHANNEL THAT AIRS RERUNS OF "PERFECT STRANGERS! "Things really are weird after the Rapture if the world suddenly appreciates Balki Bartokomous again.
Oh, also: The dog shooting guy wants to be friends and brings over some beer to Police Chief Kevin Garvey's house. He seems nice.
Meanwhile, at the cigarette cult, Liv Tyler is settling in unsettlingly. Mrs. Police Chief Kevin Garvey takes her into the woods with an axe and tells her to cut down a tree. Liv Tyler gets fed up, and blah blah blah Mrs. Police Chief Kevin Garvey tells her she needs to surrender. Later, on her own, Liv Tyler figures out how to chop down a tree and laughs triumphantly and cries bitterly. I literally could not care less.
Oh wait that's not true because I ACTUALLY DO CARE EVEN LESS about the storyline following Police Chief Kevin Garvey's daughter and her precocious friend about whom her father is dreaming like he's in "American Beauty. "The two girls commandeer the hybrid vehicle of two twin boys who act like puppies around the girls in a desperate bid to sleep with them, and follow a lady who has a gun in her purse and is sad and acts out because she lost her whole family in the Rapture.
If you think I'm leaving out any details, YOU ARE RIGHT, because I left out the TOTALLY TRENCHANT DETAIL of their searching the lady's car for hand lotion.
At the end of the episode, Police Chief Kevin Garvey unscrews the back of the bagel toaster and finds his burned bagel, because NO DOY THAT'S WHERE IT WAS. There is not a bagel rapture, sir!
Violin music indicates I should find this scene meaningful. I do not.
I don't even know what this show is doing. Possibly that is because it is not doing anything. The only emotional response I had to anything in the entire episode is when Liv Tyler's husband HILARIOUSLY BAD-ACTED a raging vent at Police Chief Kevin Garvey, and I chuckled.
I would give this show a thumbs-down, but my thumbs are too weak with indifference to be moved.
Credit: mark-rayan-pua.blogspot.com
"Gillian Anderson, countless for The X-Files", stuns as Omit Havisham in Sunday's "Vast Expecations". She tells me about rotating down "Downton Abbey", her British accent-and plausibly playing Scully again.
Director at The Document Brute, you can read my latest characteristic, "Gillian Anderson is Back!" in which I talk to the former sequin of "The X-Files" about whether she's open to reprising her role as Dana Scully, playing Omit Havisham, rotating down "Downton Abbey", her cedilla, and her new supervisor project, "The Casualty".
Gillian Anderson is no stranger to strange worlds.
The former sequin of The X-Files, which became a worldwide hit and spawned two characteristic movies, Anderson has, for now pleasantly, traded in Dana Scully's FBI-issued weapon and jagged suits for the tight-laced corsets and pliable frocks of such calculate dramas as Red Council, The Council of Laughter, Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Be placed, The Claret Petal and the Snowy, Moby Dick, and Any Material Argument, in which she played a lusciously devious Wallace Simpson, blockade with a overwrought trunk. But it's Anderson's jaw-dropping turn as Omit Havisham in Vast Prospect, which uselessness Sunday sunset on PBS's Drive Important time was a three-night run in December on BBC One, that erases any trace of Scully's boasting.
An Anderson role in a calculate pole seems de rigueur these days: she was correspondingly very approaching in ITV's poorly important show performance Downton Abbey, but turned down an offer to play Aristocrat Cora Crawley, a role that went to guy American Elizabeth McGovern. "They're still mad at me," Anderson told The Document Brute. "One time I see [inventor] Julian Fellowes, he says, 'Why?' I'm very trivial."
It's no surprise that time was her dubious turn as the fiercely shadowy Aristocrat Dedlock in Andrew Davies's 2005 deviation of Red Council, which earned her Emmy Introduce and Golden-haired Den nominations, Anderson has a consequence with jagged or countless characters. In Vast Prospect, made to order from the Charles Dickens odd by Sarah Phelps and directed by Brian Kirk (Prepared of Thrones), she stars as the revengeful and historic Omit Havisham, whose blackened focal point leads her to go down the frankness of young Pip (Douglas Support) and Estella (Vanessa Kirby), and preordain whatever stake of love either has.
Grant was faraway complaining in the British press about Anderson being the youngest architect to play Omit Havisham, who is commonly portrayed as a lanky old woman still good in the contemptible ruins of her wedding gown, clutching at the carry on shreds of her youth, like otherwise standing in her intense. (Helena Bonham Mover will play the role in a characteristic casing mock-up of Vast Prospect, out following this day.)
List reading at The Document Brute...
When figuring out what attracts women, one may over look this characteristic.
SOCIAL VALUE. This relates to how valuable you are seen to society, your friends, family, and everyone else in your life. Women want to be with a man who holds a high value in these areas.
Are you making a difference in society either through your occupation or any community service? If not, this is something you may want to consider to boost your social value.
Do you friends regard you as a go-to friend they can rely on and go to for advice when they need it? Are you in good relations with your parents, brothers, and sisters? Women like to know these things when determining if they can build an attraction to a guy.
So what attracts women?
Click Here For The Guide Women Don't Want Men to Read
SOCIAL VALUE. Why do you think guys buy those fancy cars and clothes, it's to appear that they have a high social value in society. For better or worse, men and women all have been trained to believe that if someone drives a nice car and has expensive clothes that they are important in the world. Take a heed of caution however, someone shouldn't have to prove that they are valuable to society, their friends and family, if they are, it should just shine through them.
JUST LOOK AT ROCK STARS. Ask yourself, why do they have more groupies than they can handle on a world tour? It's because hundreds of thousands of fans worship them. They have a high social value in the world and it's for all the public to take notice. Women notice that these men are highly sought after and that is what attracts women. Especially when being sought after other attractive women, a man in social value becomes even more valuable. Women want to be with men that other women want. Women want to be with men that are valuable to society, their friends and family.
NOW, SAY YOU DON'T HAVE A GREAT JOB OR HAVE THAT MANY FRIENDS. Where can you get this 'social value'. Again, look in the mirror. At the least, you can give yourself social value. I mean you are one of a kind (and remember that). You don't have to be a CEO of a company to have the confidence of a CEO. Give yourself self-worth and exude confidence. Improve on areas you can and wish to improve on. A woman is the first person to notice improvement with a man. Starting working out, exercising. Start cleaning your apartment for whenever you have any surprise women guests over. Start reading books and bringing your current events up to date. Start working on getting that promotion or that new job because I am going to reveal to you one thing that ALL women are attracted by. You want to know what that is? Ambition.
WHAT ATTRACTS WOMEN YOU ASK STILL? ONE WORD, AMBITION! Ambition is greatly attractive to a woman. You can be working at a restaurant as a dish washer, but if you have the passion and ambition of higher goals (such as one day BEING the head chef of that restaurant), women just melt. They love that word and they love men who use that word (truthfully and honestly). Give yourself a heaping of ambition and watch your stock grow overnight...
When I was writing this article, I had meant to talk about different areas and points about what attracts women. However, when writing about social value that attracts women I really couldn't pack all the importance into just a few sentences.
There are many more things you can learn on what attracts women but the point on social value is one not to be missed.
CLICK HERE FOR THE GUIDE WOMEN DON'T WANT MEN TO READ
