glowing skin, and
a youthful appearance
longer than other women.
Those who are familiar with this blog know that I like learning how to be feminine, desirable, and successful by looking at other women (role models or competition, no matter the race), learning what they do that is positive, finding out what other people think of their behaviour, and then incorporating the positive and prized behaviours into my own repertoire. Well I just read an article about How to differentiate from other companies. This really made me think about the reputation and popularity of the current "Black woman model" and what we have to do to make the "New Elegant Black woman model" (EBW) stand out from the competition. Women of other races emphasize their good qualities and it's time Black women do the same!
This is what a 47 year
old Black woman has to
offer :)
I think that Black women have some uniquely feminine and attractive features that we need to start using to our advantage in the dating market! There are things that some people have noticed but there is a huge market of people who have no idea of the unique feature we have to offer. Some of this will involve using spin to make some of stereotypical features seem more positive. This will only be useful to women who want to be noticed and approached by men so be warned. Here are the features we need to emphasize and add to our EBW product so that there is higher demand for us as companions:
You have amazing, soft,
fun to play with hair.
You have gorgeous,
sensuous lips that kiss
better than the others.
* Full lips are feminine and ours tend to be very full. We could say "YOU HAVEN'T REALLY KISSED UNTIL YOU HAVE KISSED THE LUSCIOUS LIPS OF A BLACK WOMAN. OUR KISSES FEEL GOOD EVERYWHERE (WINK WINK)." In fact, we could market ourselves as being the best kissers. Full lips are seen as attractive to the mainstream as evidenced by the obsession with Angelina Jolie's lips and the sales of lip injections, plumping lipsticks, and glosses (look for the bright side instead of focusing on the idea that it took a White woman to make full lips appealing to the mainstream. Now your lips are "in"). Most Black women have fuller and nicer lips than Angelina Jolie and they are natural too. Some Black women just refuse to wear any sort of make up, but by not wearing lipstick or lip gloss you are not marketing one of your most appealing feminine features! Taking the time to find a good everyday lipstick and gloss could greatly improve your look (I always wear the same colour because it works on me so I don't waste money on unnatural colours). Never let your lips look chapped or ashy and the least you can do is keep lip balms handy to prevent that.
* Curvy bodies are feminine and many Black women (even the thin ones) have curves. "A BLACK WOMAN IS BUILT LIKE A REAL WOMAN WITH CURVES IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES AND SHE REALLY KNOWS HOW TO USE THEM. IF YOU WANT CURVES THEN BLACK WOMEN ARE THE BEST WAY TO GO!" Many in the mainstream now find larger bottoms to be attractive as evidenced by the popularity of Jennifer Lopez, Kim Kardashian, Jessica Biel, Braziallian models, and Brazillian but lift surgery. Let's use this to our advantage instead of complaining that it took light skinned women to make big bottoms popular (look for the bright side! Now your curves are "in"). Our curves must be emphasized with our clothing at all times. Baggy or ill-fitting clothing hides this important feature we have over the competition (especially Asian women). This is where knowing how to sew would come in handy because then you could adjust your clothes to fit your curves. Obesity is unattractive though so you need to keep your curves firm and healthy looking by exercising and eating healthy.
* We need to market our natural hair as a good thing. For example, "A BLACK WOMAN HAS THE MOST DELICATE AND SOFT HAIR THAT IS FUN TO PLAY WITH AND CAN BE WORN IN MANY STYLES". Being soft and delicate is feminine. Keep your hair soft by using a lot of conditioner (I conditioner wash too) and taking good care of your hair. Let people touch it so that they can learn that it is actually soft and fascinating and they will tell other people that it actually feels good. This will be hard for some women but I feel it is so important to correct negative opinions with real experiences with soft, non-greasy, healthy natural hair (it sounds really weird that Black women are the only women who won't let their hair be touched! I have no problem letting friends, family, or dates touch my hair). If you have natural hair have you noticed how surprised people are by the way it feels? This means they did not expect it to feel good and we must correct this! Men need to see playing with our unique hair as a benefit of dating Black women and then they won't use it as an excuse to date non-Black women (men are turned off by untouchable hair). The world has to see that natural Black hair is beautiful, soft, and feminine and not inferior to other women's hair. Men who want to date us will also like knowing that they will be able to touch our hair and that they don't have to go to other races for that feature. Let them play with your fake hair too, what's the big deal, they know it's fake.
* Our skin must be marketed as a good thing that makes us more appealing than other women. For example, "A BLACK WOMAN'S HEALTHY SKIN GLOWS AND IS WARM, SOFT, SMOOTH, AND EVEN TONED. IT IS HER SKIN THAT KEEPS HER LOOKING YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL LONGER THAN MANY OTHER WOMEN". This is a major selling point that we must promote repeatedly! I'm actually hearing many non-Black people saying this now that I'm in my 30s and it really stands out that I look younger than White women my age. This will be very appealing to men because we know that most men prefer younger looking women. He will find it appealing to know that other men will be envious of his younger looking wife/girlfriend. Keep your skin looking smooth, even-toned, and soft by exfoliating, shaving, and moisturizing (e.g., with cocoa butter to even out skin tone). I also hear that urea creams are good for exfoliation. Use sun screen to prevent skin discoloration and damage.
* Replace the term "strong, independent Black woman" with descriptions that are more appealing. For example, "A BLACK WOMAN HAS SELF-RESPECT AND DOES NOT ENGAGE IN THE VULGAR OR MASCULINE BEHAVIOURS OF OTHER WOMEN. SHE IS WILLING TO PUT IN THE WORK TO GET WHAT SHE NEEDS (INCLUDING A FULFILLING RELATIONSHIP) RATHER THAN EXPECTING TO BE GIVEN EVERYTHING WITH NO EFFORT. SHE IS WILLING TO MAKE THINGS WORK IN HER RELATIONSHIPS AND ELSEWHERE IN HER LIFE AND DOES THE BEST SHE CAN. SHE IS SMART AND WHEN THE TIMES GET TOUGH SHE FIGURES OUT HOW TO GET THROUGH AND REMAINS LOYAL TO HER PARTNER, FAMILY AND FRIENDS". Now doesn't that sound appealing? A consumer would conclude that compared to other women, Black women have more self-respect, they work harder in life, they put more effort into their relationships, and they are more loyal. Another example would be, "A BLACK WOMAN HAS A LIFE OF HER OWN BUT MAKES ROOM FOR RELATIONSHIPS WITH A PARTNER, FAMILY, AND FRIENDS WHO ARE VERY IMPORTANT TO HER. SHE IS A MODERN WOMAN BUT STILL VALUES TRADITION. SHE HAS THE INTELLIGENCE AND COMMON SENSE TO MAKE SURE HER BASIC NEEDS ARE MET BUT APPRECIATES GETTING HELP AND BEING CARED FOR." This just sounds like a competent, intelligent, and useful person to have around instead of the negative stereotypes.
* Here is a way to spin our reputation for being opinionated. "A BLACK WOMAN LOVES TO HAVE CONVERSATIONS AND DISCUSS ISSUES. SHE IS A GOOD LISTENER, HONEST YET TACTFUL, EMPATHETIC, AND RESPECTFUL OF DIFFERING VIEWPOINTS. SHE WILL SAY WHAT SHE MEANS INSTEAD OF MAKING YOU GUESS. SHE IS KNOWLEDGEABLE ABOUT CURRENT EVENTS AND OTHER CULTURES, AND SHE IS OPEN-MINDED". I have heard several men say that they appreciate not having to guess what Black women are thinking or if they are upset, but of course this must be done with respect and tact to be appreciated. It is up to Black women to work on being knowledgeable and open-minded though. You could be the go-to women about international issues and politics but try to not focus on race all the time because it can be too controversial, argumentative, and depressing.
* Here is a good way to spin our reputation for having an attitude. "A BLACK WOMAN HAS A FEISTY PERSONALITY AND WILL ADD SOME SPICE TO YOUR LIFE (CARIBBEAN AND AFRICAN SPICE FLAVORS ALSO AVAILABLE LOL)". Did you see that spin? Latina women have used the terms "fiery" and "spicy" to their advantage instead of terms like "crazy" or "quick to anger". This is where I think it is so important that Black women learn to cook, cook well, and (at least occasionally) cook something spicy or delicious for the men they are dating. So many modern women refused to learn how to cook because of feminism. We can use that to our advantage by being known as the ones who can cook! We have all heard that food is the way to a man's heart so why not use that information to our advantage? I personally think that we should play up our exotic factor. Many men do not like the ordinary and we can be the exotic adventure they are looking for. I think Black women could actually make tropical print dresses our signature feminine look all year long in order to look exotic and feminine but different from many other women. Wearing flowers in our hair could also be our thing. We don't want to look too different but we want to have just the right amount of spice to set our product apart from the competition.
You have womanly
curves. Wow!
So on top of being an elegant Black woman who is feminine, kind, sweet, intelligent, graceful etc. we can now describe Black women in this positive way. Fight negative propaganda with positive propaganda. This is how you can describe yourself or any EBW:Well I think that Black women are amazing! Seriously, you haven't really kissed until you have kissed the luscious lips of a Black woman. Our kisses feel good everywhere and there is no comparison. A Black woman is built like a real woman with curves in all the right places and she really knows how to use them. If you want curves then Black women are the best way to go! We also have the most delicate and soft hair that is fun to play with and can be worn in really cool styles no one else can do. A Black woman's healthy skin glows and is warm, soft, smooth, and even toned. It is her skin that keeps her looking young and beautiful longer than many other women. While the rest are looking old an haggard we still look young and beautiful! Black women have self-respect and don't engage in the vulgar or masculine behaviours of other women. We are willing to put in the work to get what we need (including a fulfilling relationship) rather than expecting to be given everything with no effort. We are willing to make things work in our relationships and elsewhere in our lives and we do the best we can. Black women are smart and when the times get tough we figure out how to get through and remain loyal to our partners, families and friends. A Black woman has a life of her own but makes room for relationships with a partner, family, and friends who are very important to her. She is a modern woman but still values tradition. She has the intelligence and common sense to make sure her basic needs are met but appreciates getting help and being cared for. A Black woman loves to have conversations and discuss issues. She is a good listener, honest yet tactful, empathetic, and respectful of differing viewpoints. She will say what she means instead of making you guess. She is knowledgeable about current events and other cultures, and she is open-minded. A Black woman has a feisty personality and will add some spice to your life and being with her will be like taking a trip across the world.Now that's the type of positive description I want to start hearing about Black women by Black women and those who love them. Spread it around and use it to think positively about yourself. It definitely made me feel good writing it :) You can also read my previous post about the Black Standard of Beauty.
You have glowing, beautiful,
youthful, even toned skin.
You have soft, feminine, luscious hair.
You have gorgeous, soft, bouncy,springy, cute, fun to play with hair. Let them touch it and see howlovely it is.
