When I met my wife at 23, she was the first everything to me, including my first kiss. In her shrewd kindness she was vague about her past relationships - and was technically a virgin. No doubt I got extremely lucky there.
More recently though I learned she was pretty busy with six prior dating relationships which must have been somewhat sexual by the age of 19. I haven't felt retroactive jealousy too much (groping in cars is so trivial compared with what some of you guys have to deal with) but for me it is just seeing how healthy she was, looking through her old photos which never used to mean anything to me, and working through the therapy exercises where I see the stark difference between us during the formative years. And I can't talk to my wife about it; there's not really anything she can do for me further than how she did rescue me at 23. I have tried to get details from her about those past relationships (even though I know this is a really stupid and masochistic thing to do), but she is firm about not saying anything. Firm enough that it kind of bugs me and makes my imagination wander.
My therapist is going to get me better and then we are going to do couples therapy, and a big part will get us back on track sexually which will be a good distraction from all this.
But meanwhile, while I'm feeling the moment, I just wanted to post here for you guys how much it sucks to have a past of zero. I went through all those years of school looking forward to getting them over with, and now I'm haunted, gutted, by all the things I didn't do. Not sex but just being a normal teenager without any cares or responsibilities and taking a girl out for an ice cream. And here I am 25 years later.
If you're still young, take chances. If you can positively influence a shy young guy, do. And if you're like me, well consider this a +1 on what you're feeling. It sucks and we can't ever, every get those years back.
Credit: art-of-pickup.blogspot.com
