Actually, that's not really true; I could get jealous of any woman I was attracted to, whether we had a relationship or not. Most times they weren't even aware of my feelings towards them - how weird is that?
In any case, my jealous problem was responsible for about 100% of my failed relationships. It always played out the same way. Things began okay, but after a while I started becoming possessive, jealous, and paranoid.
I could actually see the changes happening right before my eyes, and I knew that once I started behaving like that, the relationship was on borrowed time - Yet I was helpless to prevent it.
I suppose it all has to do with bonding with someone. Once you create that bond, you've got something very precious. The stronger my feelings were towards that person, the more jealous I became. In every instance, it was only a matter of time before it slipped through my fingers. That would certainly explain why I was okay at the beginning of a relationship - I hadn't had time to become too attached.
It's only until recently that I feel I've made progress with this problem. Of course, a lot of that might have to do with maturity, I don't know. What I do know is that I've blown a lot of good relationships because of my insecurity.
And, really, that's what it boils down to - insecurity.
Of course, when you're in a relationship and start acting in such a juvenile manner, it's almost useless to try and explain the reasons behind your behaviour. It's not like you can just tell them that you're insecure and you have no self-esteem, therefore, that's why you're acting like a two year old.
Now that I'm in my late 30s and I've discovered exactly what's wrong with me, I can't help but feel sad. Who knows what great relationships I could have had? Maybe I'd be married today with kids, enjoying a normal life like every other guy my age. It's just painful to think of all the opportunity I've wasted.
On the bright side, I'm still relatively young and I'm sure I'll have many more opportunities to meet someone special. I'm at least thankful for having made improvements in the area of self-esteem and confidence. With a little more confidence I'm hoping that a lot of those insecurities will be gone.
Of course, time will tell.
Reference: aisha-vip.blogspot.com
